Can I describe my recent trip to the mall? Now understand I am an unusual female in that I am not much of a shopper. I look at shopping as a chore; something I have to do, not want to do. I want to get in, get it done and get out with a minimum of hassle, fuss, or boredom. Yes, boredom. I find most shopping boring. There are very few stores or items in a store that I get excited about. About once every decade or so, I find a store that peaks my interest. The rest are boring.
So my daughter and I walk into Southtowne Mall last week because I have to get something for my sister’s birthday. I haven’t been in a mall for at least five months. We start walking down the concourse trying to get past the kiosks that run down the middle. As we approach the first one, I warily eye the good looking young man wondering what it is going to take to get past him. I have no idea what they are selling and I don’t care.
“Would you like to try some…” (whatever it was), he asks.
“No thank you, I’m not interested,” I firmly answer.
“Could I ask you a question?” he says as he starts to walk toward me.
Keep walking, I tell myself, or you are dead. “No, I am busy.”
He comes nearer, too near. I fix my most evil eye on him, which causes him to realize that if he doesn’t leave me alone, I am going to resort to violence. So he backs off. I then turn my head forward only to nearly slam into the next kiosk salesperson.
“Would you like to try some…?” a young girl asks.
“No thank you, I’m not interested,” I firmly answer.
“Could I ask you a question?” she says as she starts to walk toward me.
“No, you cannot.” Keep walking, just keep walking.
Repeat, ad nauseam.
I soon learn not to look at them and if they say something, pretend to be deaf. I find myself walking faster and faster to get away from them. I see the store I want to get to and it becomes a goal to get there without undue violence. I finally get to the store and feel like collapsing as though I just finished a marathon.
When it came time to leave the store, I found myself peeking out around clothes racks, charting my escape route. I made several feints to get the ambushing kiosk clerks to just think I was going to leave the protection of the store, only to melt back into the clearance section. Ha ha, fooled you! I actually thought about using the back shipping door.
You know, I can’t imagine why that mall was mostly empty of customers. What on earth are mall managers thinking? Is it their intent to anger what few customers they get? Why not move to tripping, tackling, and obstacle courses? Just employ a few gang members and let them do the selling. Anybody else feel this way?
